So those of you who actually read my blog all one of you probably think I am saying the horrible Fu------------- word but you are wrong this blog should be titled "Family, Friends or Foes."
You see there are many times I do feel sorry for myself and the past week has been one of those times. Not to mention I was on my period and the few days before that I was PMSing so that all adds to the stress in my life. But it is an amazing feeling how one can be with their very own family members and feel like they don't belong and that their children are more of a nuisance than welcomed. One reason this is so amazing to me is because my family is LDS (Mormons) and supposely we believe that families are forever that is why one is either born under the covenant or sealed to their parents in the temple. But what I have witnessed and been a part of thes last 30 years or so is that once your married and have your own kids you parents and siblings are no longer part of that forever family. And then heaven forbid that any of your nieces or nephews get married because then it is almost like you are cast out of the family as the black sheep.
And then in my situation I have comitted the unpardonable sin of getting a divorce not only once but twice(on paper we're still married) So I can't pick them very well and this of course would be my fault. And then there are comments made about me needing to grow up. Hmmm, has anyone ever thought that maybe the fact that for the better part of my life I had six older siblings and parents who always were there to bail me out and take care of me and now all of sudden I am suppose to do this on my own. Well personally I think I am doing a pretty good job at growing up and trying to raise the boys to be independent so that they don't have to learn this after they reach the age of 40 plus.
Sure some may say that I am just a winer and bitchy but you know what when you try to invite others you go to church with to do things with you and they are always too busy and then you hear about how so and so has invited others to a parade or other activities one starts to wonder if they are carrying the plague. I know that people don't hold much water to this but being away from the main population of the ward does really make a difference. I don't care how much I try to be a part of things it is just easier to forget about someone who doesn't live two houses away from you. This is foriegn to me because where I grew up you were lucky to have members 2 or 3 blocks away from you. Not having members right next door made us more concerned and aware of the other members and their families. My boys have noticed this too it doesn't matter how much Gideon offers to babysit or do yard work he isn't usually asked because we live too far away. Most of their friends are either non members or not in our ward because they don't attend school with anyone from our ward.
Then there are those who always have it worse then any one else I don't know why I even bother trying to talk to my family oand/or friends because my situation is never that bad. I have thousands of dollars in college loan and lots in credit card debt just to make my dream of becoming nurse possible and to be able to support the boys. We by no means suffer but things are pretty tight at times. Next month we are taking a quick trip to the Oregon coast and how are we able to do this? I don't parents who are paying for the trip it is a credit card. But I need to get away for a couple of days before school starts and football again. So say what you want but it is important for me.
Boy! Do I feel better getting this off my chest.
LIve well, Love much and Laugh Often!!!